"My ex mother-in-law told me at 19, and 125 lbs, that I
needed to lose ten pounds. For years after, as my weight
gradually increased to 135, I was obsessed by the fact
that because she said what she said, therefore, I must
be really fat."
Words can really hurt, can't they? You can dissolve your
emotional attachment to that memory using EFT. This is the
type of issue you'd tackle in the 8-week course, so you'd
start with "Even though my MIL said I needed to lose
10 pounds, I deeply and completely accept myself."
I won't go into a lengthy explanation but EFT it is a self-administered light tapping technique, based on the principals
of the 5000-year old Chinese Meridian therapy. It's easy
to learn, and easy to use and can effectively reduce or
eliminate many emotional issues that linger. I believe it's
those type memories that drive our eating behaviors, so
despite some people thinking emotions are not connected
to our eating, I think, how could they not be?
I just turned 40 two months ago. I am happily married for the
second time, enjoy my job, and have a loving son- I just
haven't been able to conquer the beast that is my weight,
and yet I know that no diet will work, or has, and if
I don't do something, I could end up dead from the
myriad of illnesses that accompany obesity.
That's your motivation. If you don't do something then ...
That's called "away from" motivation. You may be more inclined
to take action to avoid something else. Some people are geared
to work harder to avoid consequences, while others are pushed
to work for a goal based on a reward (that's called "toward
motivation" and you may switch back and forth depending on
what it is.
Here's an article about the Motivation Strategy and how to
figure which style you prefer, whether "away from" or "toward."
For example, kids will work hard (clean their room) for a
reward (pizza, night out, etc.), but the threat of consequences
if they don't do homework (you'll be punished for getting bad
grades, lose privileges, etc.) isn't enough: they don't want to
do homework and don't see that far off negative consequence as
worth thinking about in the moment.
Adults tend to think about those far off consequences more
because they are more mature and also because they realize
many things (wealth for example) are slowly created over
time. So, a goal of better health is sometimes hard to hold
onto in the moment. That pie of candy looks might good right
now. The thought of losing weight disappears in the face of
the goodies, and then comes the guilt and frustration over
having "blown it again." The endless cycle then self
perpetuates: "I eat because I'm depressed, I'm depressed
because I eat."
Your site has given me hope- and I am grateful to you for the
effort that you put into helping others by your words of
wisdom, and lessons learned.
Thank you and now you can do something for me. Get the materials
(no cost) and learn to use EFT. Get on the Daily Bites list, if
you aren't already where you'll get several lessons every week
in how I use EFT in my daily life to conquer stress, frustrations,
cravings, and more. Using it in daily life is how it translates
into something useful for your weight, body image, self esteem,
and so on.
If I could ask you one
thing; it would have to be-- What do you advise someone in
my condition, who has so far to go, where to even
begin? I have come to the end of "I'll start tomorrows," but don't know where to start today.
Begin with one step. Learn EFT and start to practice it. Step 2
is to choose one thing you do now, whether it's food or sweeping
the floor, doesn't matter. Choose one thing you do or don't do
that you'd like to change.
What is the frequency of the thing you do or don't do? Using
food, let's say you like ice cream every night. Lots of people
do. It's creamy and delicious and is a nice treat because you
work hard and you deserve a little treat, right? Of course you
do, we all do, but sometimes our self talk of how we deserve
this or that can override our earlier resolve to eat better,
so this is what to do:
- How often do you eat ice cream? If every night, you'd put
five times a week as your reply.
- Consider if you could take just one night and skip the
ice cream? Think about it for a minute, and really think whether
you could accomplish this, or whether you'd just say screw it,
I'm having my ice cream. If you think you could accomplish it,
then write that down in your handwriting on a slip of paper, and
tape it to your monitor or put it somewhere you can see it.
"I am going to eat ice cream four times this week, Monday,
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday."
- Notice we are skipping Tuesday? You don't make a big deal out
of saying, "I'm NOT having ice cream on Tuesday, but instead
just decide you won't and then ignore that and focus on what
you ARE going to do which is have ice cream on the other
- If when you consider whether you could do this you said,
yes I can, then you have already decided what to do next. This
week put into action your plan to have ice cream the nights
you said you would.
- At the end of the week, look back. Did you do what you
said? Did you have ice cream all but Tuesday? If yes, cool
deal. How was it? You survived. It wasn't so bad, was it?
If you didn't that's okay too. We're human, we slip and fall,
and it doesn't matter. Each week you just decide anew whether
to do the same as last week or whether to notch it up.
After a few weeks (maybe only one, that's up to you), again
decide, what if you had ice cream three nights a week? Hummm.
That's possible, really, so then you again do the same
basic thing, slowly cutting back the ice cream eating from
five nights to four, four to three, then maybe only two,
sometimes you can cut in half right away but I think it's
smart to go about it really slowly at first.
Eventually you may find you enjoy ice cream once or twice
a week instead of nightly. That's a big step toward having
a few pounds disappear right there, believe me. And it's
these habits that keep us heavier than we want to be.
Use EFT for Easier Weight Loss
Learn EFT and start to use it, and lots of little things
will begin to shift. Use it for annoyances old and new. Any
memory of something that hurt you is a good thing to do
EFT with. I'll be having more tele-classes (telephone & Internet based) and chat sessions (available via The Back Fence so get registered for access) starting in
March to help teach EFT, so keep a look out for those.
Choose one eating habit (or exercise or whatever you want)
that you'd like to change and begin to whittle away at it.
Slow change tends to be permanent change, and you want a
permanent change, not a quick fix that only lasts three
Join the Daily
Bites, and learn EFT, the easiest weight loss technique.
Even if you don't want to receive The Daily Bites, that's
okay. You can learn it and apply just reading the articles on the One More Bite
site. Lots of people have written to say they've lost
weight just by visiting and that's so great to hear ;-)